As some of you who are studying the Quareia magical course will have come to realise, there is a point (and often more than one point) when you hit an energetic wall. You cannot seem to make progress, you are exhausted, demoralized, and feel like a failure. You are not. Not at all – it is a good sign, though a painful one. It is a bit like a stress test, and you are learning your limitations, learning about your strengths, and learning the true nature of how hard magic can be.There are various reasons why this happens – one is that it is normal within any intense training of any kind to hit such a wall – it is part of the process. The other reason with magical training is that there can be an awful lot happening in the world that is causing inner ‘bad weather’, which either pulls you into action in your sleep, or you are locked out for your own safety.
If you are pulled into working in your sleep, all of your magical energy will be used up in such work, leaving nothing for practice. If you are locked out, usually for your own safety, then no matter what you try to do, you will not be able to access any sense of magically ‘moving forward’ for some time, so it is best to just be non magical for a while until it passes. Eventually the locked out feeling fades, and suddenly you jump forward in progress again – it is safe for you to continue and the road head is clear. Often you never get to find out why you had to be held back for a time, but it is always for your own good, and often connected to your personal circumstances, physical health, etc. The one thing to keep in mind with any of these situations is, that you are a part of a large family, and you are not alone. A loose network of people working around the world has slowly formed where apprentices can connect and make friends, and once people start talking, you often realise you can give or gain advice on your magical path. Details of the network at the end of this post. When you are facing such an intimidating and exhausting wall, knowing that others are either also going through it, or have gone through it and emerged from the stasis to leap forward in magical development, can be very helpful.
So here is some advice if you are hitting a wall, or feel like you cannot move forward, or that you are exhausted –
If you are hitting the wall constantly and do not feel like you are moving forward at all, put the lesson you are working on, on pause, and move on in the course. Come back to the stuck bit when you are ready. We do not all develop the same way, and magic tends not to work in straight lines. The step by step in the training is there for overall coherence and to develop a proper sense of training. The steps lie upon each other so for 90% of students, it works coherently. However there is always the 10% who develop in a different way. Do not use that as an excuse to skip forward if you are just bored or feel the lesson is beneath you – there is a lot hidden in even the easiest of the lessons. However, if you are seriously hitting the wall and have gotten stuck there… then move on, just don’t forget to come back at some point and finish off the stuck lesson.
If you are finding that you are stuck, AND, you are exhausted all the time, then one of two things (or both) is happening. Either you are working in your sleep, which happens naturally with a lot of students and they do not realise it (having lots of weird dreams and broken sleep?), or you are being stretched. If you are working in your sleep, your deeper self has taken over and is working in your sleep. A lot of the work in Quareia is about service, and sometimes you can get drawn into work in your sleep, particularly if the situation is critical. At the moment, the western world is struggling with a leader who is a dangerous buffoon with his finger on the trigger, and a rise in potential fascist leaders. This situation can develop into a very nasty long term scenario for the whole planet, so it is no wonder people are working hard in their sleep – their spirits are busy trying to save the world!
It is important to recognise this when it happens. If your tarot skills have developed enough, do a reading to see what is happening in your sleep – it will likely show work, conflict or struggle. Whenever you are working in your sleep, you have to then ensure you are not also working magically in your waking life. So take time out and be mundane.
Take a month or two of no magic at all, and be as mundane as possible – let the night work fade off in its own time and when you feel your energy come back in, then you can start your studies/work again. It is an important lesson to learn how to manage your energy for the long haul, and to recognise that you can often work in your sleep without realizing it.
If you are being stretched, which is difficult to explain, but is akin to being ‘re arranged’ and often happens to people on magical or mystical paths, then again, you will feel blocked and tired. When that happens, rest, do no magic, and be as normal as possible. You will feel when it is over as your energy will come rushing back in.
If you have exhaustion and physical symptoms, then go see a doctor and make sure there is not an illness going on.
Quareia now has a closed and unseen facebook group for students to socialize, and we have a separate discussion group for more intense debates. Anyone who has completed the first apprentice module is welcome to join – to do so send me the email address connected to your FB account (contact link at the bottom of the page on the Quareia Website and I will send you an invite. When you contact me, tell me which module and lesson you are on.
And remember, real magical training is not a short one or two year jaunt. It is a long marathon training – there will be times for sprinting, and times for resting, and times for time out. True long term magical training is one of the hardest things a human can possibly undertake.
Find your own pace, your own limits, and don’t ever feel you have failed because you got stuck… that is just bullshit. We all get stuck, we all take time out – I still do after decades of magic. It is called being human.
And most important of all, never lose your sense of wonder and sense of humor!